Don't Leave Home

My future sister-in-law is leaving in a couple of days, probably on Sunday. I don't know much about the whole thing because it's not discussed in a wide circle. According to my boyfriend she is going to Belgium, and that's about all I know. For some reason I keep thinking about her as if it would be my choice. You know, like in films when you can try out different versions, such as in Run Lola Run or Sliding Doors (with Gwyneth Paltrow).
Everywhere I look I see people making choices: getting married, having children, doing PhD, working abroad, and so on. Choosing nothing is also a choice but where will it take me? It's not because of the flow or zen or whatever, it's mere passivity. These are the best days of my life, and I sort of feel like wasting them. Some say we should live every day as if it was our last day, but what does it mean in pratice? If it was my last day I would go to exciting places, have the finest meals, make love, something along this line. But how much would it cost? Anyway, one has to work some time because you will need money to survive the remaining days.
So, about her. We've never been close, but we used to be closer than now. When I came to the orchestra we used to walk home together since she lives about one block away from me. She used to go home by bus then, and they weren't together with my boyfriend's brother. Now she drives home in her father's car, gives a lift to her boyfriend and a friend from the orchestra, and they go out and have a few drinks after the Friday sessions anyway. We, the poor and dull in-laws, just take the bus home, then part.
I'm worried about her. It's a big step after living in the safe family nest where her parents gave her everything. She is used to travelling because her father worked for the Hungarian airline and they travelled a lot. She speaks good English and some German and Italian. Nevertheless, I think I would feel so lonely and lost in another country, far from my boyfriend. I would often cry myself into sleep. Not at the beginning, you don't feel the consequnces of your decision at first. And after a while I would get used to the whole situation. I would adapt, make friends, become more and more confident, and so on. But living far from my boyfriend? Yes, one can get over everything. The question is: is it worth it?
So I keep thinking about her, feeling I should say something, give her a present, wave a white flag, whatever. They had a farewell party last weekend, organized by one of her friends from the orchestra, but we weren't invited. From time to time I hear about parties we weren't invited to, and I feel neglected, left out, forgotten. My boyfriend says he doesn't care about these parties and wouldn't want to be there anyway, and I believe him, but I am the kind who wants to be loved and taken into consideration. Perhaps the reason I want to give her something is that I want to show that I'm forgiving, that I choose the cleverest gifts, and so on. The problem is that I don't. I cannot think of anything apt. For Christmas I brought them a beautiful photo album in a leather (or leatherette) cover, depicting the Earth in cutaway view. I got a box of chocolates. Besides travelling she likes shopping and Starbucks coffee, and that's where my ideas end.
I hope she knows what she's doing and she will profit from it in the long run. And I hope she knows I regret my stubbornness and malice. And I hope I will have made something with my life by the time she comes back. I don't want to be the other Boleyn girl.