Sweet dreams are made of this

You know, I kind of have a feeling that all this misery with my illness is somehow connected to my present state of mind and all the mishaps with the language school. That meeting about the new system was held on 27th January, and I couldn't get any sleep that night. I woke up at about 3 in the morning, twisted and turned, then got up around 4 and watched the first half of The Fabulous Life of Amelie Poulain. This film is like a spell on me. It can always cheer me up, calm me down, make me laugh and see the tiny miracles of life. Besides, it always reminds me of one of my high school loves. So, after that I crawled back to bed, had a few more hours of sleep, then had breakfast and watched the second half of the film, and soon after that I had to go to the concert.
This post is going to be about self-defensive mechanisms and ways of coming through the hardships of life. I guess being liable to depression, self-pity, and pusillaminity (what a funny word) is a family trait in us, so I have to face them and treat them.
You know, this whole illness is like a shell in which I can hide from the evil world and nurse my scars. I spend the days reading and writing my little posts, occasionally doing some work, something meaningful, and patrolling the house up and down in pyjamas (or a tracksuit on better days). I don't see much of the world and don't feel like meeting anybody from out there. Besides, it's a good thing that people come to me with sweets, medical advice, and so on. And I check my temperature about twelve times a day (used to on the first week).
For Christmas I usually get some esoteric stuff from my father's wife. This time I got a CD and hadn't checked what's on it for about three weeks. Turned out it's a kind of self-help book. She also gave a notepad with a nice flowery cover to go with it. I peeped into the first few exercises, and they seemed good. The book is called something like "change your life in 21 days" (in Hungarian of course), and 21 days seemed a bit too long for me to steadily follow through, but tonight I finally decided to start it and see what happens. The first exercise was the kind I like. Imagine your life as a film. What genre would it be, what title, which is your favourite scene, and so on. Unfortunately, I found some activities that I should have done during the course of the day, but never mind, I have the next day for that.
I hope you don't laugh at me for using such a book. Let's take it as an experiment. Besides, I do like self-reflection, and these activities give a structure to it. And a right view of the world is just what I need now. And luckily I have plenty of time these days to deal with it.
There is one sentence that keeps me carrying on, which I've found on a friend's facebook profile, who had previously suggested that I find a job in publishing. The sentence goes like this: "If it is important, you will find a way, if not, you will find an excuse." I feel I've been the second type so far, but it's high time I follow the first (and hardest) path.

P.S. The book also says that you should thank for what you have every day, and that is something I always do before going to bed, and I call it praying. One thing I have noticed recently is the way my father has changed since the stroke. He calls us up more often, and pays more attention to finding satisfaction and happiness in life, and tries to avoid stress. I'm not saying that he didn't do that before, but now he's trying harder, sort of.
P.P.S. I used to think that the title of this song was "Sweet dreams are made of tears," and that's kind of my motto. I believe that after a bad thing always comes a good thing, and that's where I am now. And just like my Mom said, you always have to stand up and go ahead. Just think of the phoenix.