She

As usually, it's too late again and I don't really know what to write about. I've got nothing to say and at the same time I've got much to say. Gosh, I'm twenty-four now and still I don't know what to do with my life. Well, after all, maybe twenty-four is not such an old age for that. But I'm pretty much afraid I'm going to stay like this for ever. Maybe it's not even bad, only nonconformist. And for me, it doesn't mean that I have no idea what to do with my life, it's just the other way around: I have too many ideas of how to spend it.
With some effort I could be a published poet, if not among the top ten but someone appreciated in some alternative artist circle. Also, if I got myself together I could be a successful and professional English teacher. I've been doing this for about four months now and I think I'm improving. I could also imagine myself in some job that has to do with books or publishing, e.g. writing reviews, translating stuff, or even selling books (that way I would always hear about the big hits first). And I haven't mentioned one of my oldest dreams, namely that of maintaining a flower shop. Somehow flowers have amazed me ever since I was a small child. Ironically enough, I don't know the name of any flower and I don't really take care of those I have at home. The thing that I like about it is selecting and organizing the flowers, creating beauty. Basically that's what I've always wanted to do, making beauty. Not to amaze the world (maybe partly, yes) but most importantly for my own sake. I just love the feeling of having created something worth creating.
By the way, I'm still in the Janis mood, rehearsing songs on the street and imagining myself in the Janis outfit. The project reached a satisfying state now, the only problem remaining is that of shoes. Probably I'd simply take my regular boots, though that would be a bit disappointing. I took on the outfit a few hours ago and felt so relieved. It felt like being myself.
I also did something with health management. First of all, I sit on the balance cushion as much as I can. In addition, I went to a Latin dance aerobics class on Monday (and still suffer its consequences in my muscles). I was totally tired after getting up at 5.30, plus I arrived home at sevenish in the evening, and the class started at 8 p.m. Nevertheless, the music and dancing gave me so much energy that I did my best and came home feeling as light as a butterfly. A very sexy and self-conscious butterfly. I'm planning to go regularly from now on, hoping that in the long run I can maintain the effect, i.e. feeling sexy and confident, permanently.
'Til then I remain me and keep looking for She.