Try It On My Own

I wanted to write this post yesterday but didn't have time, so let's give it another try. Anyway, I'm going away tomorrow on our three-day-long mini-break in Szeged and felt the need to write some lines before. Should write lesson plans too, for that matter.
As you know, I don't work much these days, so spend a considerable amount of time at home, mostly alone. This is both good and bad. Good to have time and opportunity to take care of my tasks, e.g. browsing job ads, writing cover letters, making lesson plans. On the other hand, I feel terribly lonely sometimes, for example now. Yesterday I was reading Facebook newsfeed and found that one of my friends had linked "Summer of 69" by Bryan Adams. I like that song very much, so I listened to it, and then listened to a couple more, including "Run To You," which I don't remember ever hearing before. Then I found among the recommended songs the same title by Whitney Houston. I just kept listening to her songs and felt a wave of energy whirling inside me. I was doing the 20th day of the 21-day training programme, and it was full of good activities. For example, write a list of 100 things that you are grateful for. And together with Whitney's voice it really made my day. In the afternoon I had to run errands, and as I was walking down the street I kept wording an imaginary blog entry (I wonder if others do that, too). I came up with similes capturing the way I felt right then, such as 1) like a book that was closed for hundreds of years until tapped by a magic wand hundreds of beautiful stories revealed themselves on the pages, 2) like a glass of wine full to the rim, 3) like a beast released from its cage, 4) like a demon whirling in the night fully conscious of its power, 5) like a mustang gallopping on the prairies, and so on. You know, it's such a pity when you are ready to move away mountains and nothing comes in your way.

The other thing I started to think about is Whitney. When you listen to her songs she's so full of life, and the truth is she had a miserable life in the last couple of years. You know, she and Michael Jackson were my very first idols, and they're both dead now. I remember watching The Bodyguard in an open-air cinema when I was 6, and I was wonder struck. I've watched it several times since, and I know the story is not a big deal, and I wouldn't lift so much as a finger for Kevin Costner, but still I feel the scenes vibrating with passion. The other thing I liked in the film were her beautiful costumes and hairdos. She looked like Cleopatra, yet so fragile. Most of the songs I've found on the Net by her are from the initial stage of her career, around 1990, and in fact many of the big hits were from that film. I did a bit of counting and discovered that she was around my age when she reached the top of her career. Practically a girl, and already with a voice so passionate, a voice from heaven indeed. Listening to her I just feel so alive. And now that I think of it, the world is becoming more and more intangible and fearful with all those reference points vanishing, and I guess this is what they call adulthood. (By the way, can anyone explain the relation between adult and adultery? Isn't it amazing?)
So most of the days go by with me listening to wonderful music and cherishing "what if" thoughts. And trying to brush off negative thoughts. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that after a long-long unfruitful period yesterday I wrote a poem. I take it as a positive effect of reading Kiss Judit Ágnes. She too is so full of emotions, both good and bad, and after reading a bit of her I always feel so full and inspired. That's what I was referring to with the book simile.
And the last big announcement is that I sort of launched a book club yesterday, and I hope that a couple of people would join in. I named it urged by the moment after Mr. Darcy. He also appeared on Facebook yesterday, or rather it was Colin Firth, whom millions of women around the world identify with Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy, partly including me. Today he appeared again, in a book store's newsletter that I'm subscribed to. The sender described the weather as one in which we expect Darcy to jump out of a bush in a wet shirt. And why not?

P.S. I don't agree with those who want to reshoot The Bodyguard as a tribute for Whitney. Leave it as it is, and leave her as she was.