A Long Day is Over

Actually, these are the moments when I know I shouldn't start blogging or I'll stick here till midnight but I just can't help it. I'm not saying there's something awesome on my mind, probably it's just the opposite. Nevertheless, you know, sometimes you have this urge to share (your thoughts).
I'm not too well these days. Yesterday I discovered a bad throatache accompanied with something slimey, I think you know the kind. I keep having it for years now and I just can't get rid of it. For a period of time it's manageable, then it gets worse again. Yesterday it was so bad I couldn't concentrate on anything else. And just to add to the feeling we went to TreffOrt with one of my friends and sat practically in the middle of the smoke cloud. At least I had some wonderful hot white chocolate, and it was cheap too. I just yearn for treats like that now that the days are turning cold, the nights longer and the lessons more demanding.
I'm afraid this post will turn into nagging again, but I do try to avoid it, really. I had such a bad class today that I actually wanted to run out of the room. I just can't handle it when someone doesn't understand a text (either written or in a listening activity) and becomes so angry at it that I'm sure he won't understand anything from that point on because he just can't pay attention in that state. I wonder if you've ever experienced anything similar. He starts saying "I don't understand it, I will never make anything out of it, why can't they express it in a normal way" or if it's a listening activity "why can't they open their mouth, how can they expect anyone to understand it," and so on. And it's not only that I don't like it when someone's diminishing his language learning ability, motivation, whatever. I practically feel like a target as I was the stupid idiot who brought that material in. Also, I don't see how anyone expects the English language to be something else than what it is. You can not like it, you can not understand it, but you can't change it. And I'm absolutely on the verge of losing my patience when someone keeps telling me he can't understand anything and I see that they don't try to put the meaning together. I mean, they want to translate the sentence in a linear way, from left to right. For example, when they see a sentence like "It is important to ..." they get angry because they don't know what "it" refers to. And I can't give them exercises in which they have to find out the meaning of a word from the context because they won't leave me alone and keep on reading until I've told them all the new words. And he hates expressions with get, make, take, whatever because they aren't logical. Actually he hates it when a word doesn't mean what he has learnt as its meaning, for example when the word "case" means a situation and not a bag.
Add to this my throatache and headache and imagine this was only my first lesson of the day. Luckily I had about an hour before my next class, and bought a meggyes-túrós rétes and bottled lemonade with ginger and these helped me a bit. For some reason my last class is always peaceful and even fun. The "middle" class (hehe) was also OK, though I often feel uncertain and start thinking what they might be thinking about me. From time to time I have these fears that students won't accept and trust me, won't take me seriously, won't believe I'm qualified, and so on, especially with new groups. I just hope these will go away with time and experience. One thing that is hard for me to handle is when they ask me a word in English and I don't know the English word. For example today they asked me the word bliccelni but I didn't know it, so now I've looked it up and it's something like "to dodge paying the fare." When they ask me something and I can't answer I always think they feel disappointed or that some other teacher (a proper teacher) would know it. So I diligently look up such words in the dictionary and (try to) believe that sooner or later there will be less and less words I will have to look up.
I've also said that I spend most of the days alone, and even in the evenings I don't often meet anyone, in the sense of spending time together. When I get home, my mother and her husband are closed up in their room watching TV, and my sister is watching TV in the sitting room. Sometimes I stay there a bit, but usually I don't like what she's watching (there are about 5 channels I like watching, but even among them I like TV Paprika best) and after a while come up to my room and finish the day in front of the computer. Before going to bed I usually read a bit in bed, and of course it would be more intelligent and useful to read more and use the computer less, but I'm a human and do it that way. (Oh, and speaking of loneliness, seems that even on the Internet I've become isolated as no-one "visits" or contacts me.)
The best thing in my life these days (this week) is cooking, trying new recipes, and watching gastronomy programmes. Today I made a fantastic eggplant meal, which is kind of regular in my repertoire now, and it is indeed quite delicious, and it really makes me happy (and proud) when I cook something that good, but then I have to face washing the pile of dishes and it really turns me off. Being alone and doing housework is probably the most pathetic way of spending time.
So much about trying not to nag. You know, at least now I feel I've told these to someone (even if it's only me.)

P.S. I think the cyclamen is about to die. I've made a photo of it to show you because I haven't seen anything like it before, but I'm too lazy and tired to bother with uploading now.